Naughty Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving……………..
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It’s Cool Whip time!
4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
5. That’s one terrific spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up
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I know you didn’t wake up just to read about pregnancy sex
Then again, maybe you did
Well maybe not pregnancy sex to be exact
But we both know the word sex got your curiosity peaked and your eyes glued to a poetic piece that isn’t so poetic after all when you come to think of it.
The how to have pregnancy sex should be the title
Like how does one get past those gas bubbles and constant bloating
Or how do you get past the constant need to pee every 2 seconds, just so you could reach for a blissful orgasm that is intense and more memorable than the fart you just let rip 2 mins into that blessed fore-play session with your darling spouse
Trimester 1 is both blessed and cursed
It can go one way or another
The morning sickness either turns you off completely or your growing uterus suddenly turns you into a nymph wanting to devour her partner every time there’s a flat surface in sight
Trimester 2 is where it starts to get interesting
Your bulging stomach reminds your kind hearted husband that there’s a little hugglemonster in there.
He must now constantly thread ever so gently and lightly else his imaginary ginormous genital rips the veil and cracks the skull of his precious child
Then again that giant bulge can make you too tired to want anyone touching you in the first place
Trimester 3 is usually my favorite.
Morning sickness is a thing of the past.
You’re pretty much used to the pains of your stretching ligaments
And your humongous uterus pushing hard on your feminine parts makes you once more, a sex addict craving only for imaginary sex.
Lets face it, you can hardly bend or lie properly, let alone present your nether regions for some gentle loving
When it’s all said and done
You know you love it.
You love being pregnant and you love pregnancy sex
Be it awesome or non existent
Cos you know it can only go 2 ways
or Completely Non-Existent
The only thing you want even more is food
** You wont get the humor in this poem if you’ve never been pregnant, aren’t currently pregnant or if you’re male** 🙂