I know you didn’t wake up just to read about pregnancy sex
Then again, maybe you did
Well maybe not pregnancy sex to be exact
But we both know the word sex got your curiosity peaked and your eyes glued to a poetic piece that isn’t so poetic after all when you come to think of it.
The how to have pregnancy sex should be the title
Like how does one get past those gas bubbles and constant bloating
Or how do you get past the constant need to pee every 2 seconds, just so you could reach for a blissful orgasm that is intense and more memorable than the fart you just let rip 2 mins into that blessed fore-play session with your darling spouse
Trimester 1 is both blessed and cursed
It can go one way or another
The morning sickness either turns you off completely or your growing uterus suddenly turns you into a nymph wanting to devour her partner every time there’s a flat surface in sight
Trimester 2 is where it starts to get interesting
Your bulging stomach reminds your kind hearted husband that there’s a little hugglemonster in there.
He must now constantly thread ever so gently and lightly else his imaginary ginormous genital rips the veil and cracks the skull of his precious child
Then again that giant bulge can make you too tired to want anyone touching you in the first place
Trimester 3 is usually my favorite.
Morning sickness is a thing of the past.
You’re pretty much used to the pains of your stretching ligaments
And your humongous uterus pushing hard on your feminine parts makes you once more, a sex addict craving only for imaginary sex.
Lets face it, you can hardly bend or lie properly, let alone present your nether regions for some gentle loving
When it’s all said and done
You know you love it.
You love being pregnant and you love pregnancy sex
Be it awesome or non existent
Cos you know it can only go 2 ways
or Completely Non-Existent
The only thing you want even more is food
** You wont get the humor in this poem if you’ve never been pregnant, aren’t currently pregnant or if you’re male** 🙂
After watching this week’s episode of ‘Single ladies’, my friends and i got to talking about it and for some reason the guys really wanted to know what women want and why we just have to fake it? Like they can’t understand in heaven’s name why anyone would choose to fake it. Well here are some potential answers guys (and please note that these are my take on the topic. Not verified Facts **Disclaimer Alert** )..
FYI if you haven’t seen this week’s Episode, this is a Spoiler Alert…
First off, a large amount of the time, women fake it cos they don’t want to bruise their man’s ego. Men have this whole Ego thing going that sometimes its just a lot easier to let him think what he wants to believe. I know some will argue that this is deception, but try dating a guy with a bruised ego. Trust me, it’s NOT fun. He either spends a lot of time trying to rebuild that ego or suddenly becomes UN-enthusiastic. It’s a lose lose situation, so we prefer the high road. Usually its the men who think they’ve got it all worked out in the sac that end up with a bruise to their ego when a lady says; ‘sorry sweetie but you’re not bringing it’. What they fail to realize is, it’s not always how good you are in the sac but how in-sync your bodies are. He may be a beast in the sheets but if your bodies aren’t in-sync, it’s going to feel like dry humping to her, and just to make the agony stop, she ends up faking it.
Another major reason is cos she’s tired or not in the mood and doesn’t want to turn him down. Men are like the Sun, they show up ready everyday, there are no off days for sex with men. But women, we’re like the Moon. We have peak periods and days when we just don’t want to be plundered. Matter of fact, we don’t even want to show up in the bedroom. All we want to do is just sleep. Especially if she’s a working mum. On those days, it’s usually easy to fake it, so we can quickly get back to sleep. Again it might be better to just tell the truth like “Sorry honey but I’m tired” but being turned down isn’t a good look. It stings a little, it doesn’t matter if it’s the guy or the girl doing the rejection.
3rd Big reason is; she doesn’t know how to get to the Big O. Contrary to popular beliefs that it’s possible for every girl to get that big O, Not every girl does. And telling a guy, you’ve never had one takes a lot of courage. Besides, the pressure that suddenly builds up the minute the cat’s out the bag makes it a whole lot tougher. What if he can’t make her get there? Everything suddenly becomes all kinds of awkward. Unfortunately, not every man is Christian Grey or a metro-sexual Beast between the sheets. So suddenly if he can’t make her reach there, all kinds of insecurities suddenly begin to build up, and she finds herself looking for ways to save a perfect relationship… Now this is going way into the deep end of negative possible outcomes, and chances are he may just be able to get her there if she tells the truth, but my point is; telling the truth is always a daunting experience for a lot of ladies in the beginning. The key is usually to get her to a position where she’s comfortable enough to tell you the truth.
Reason number 4 (which is very common but a lot of ladies don’t pay attention to this) is cos she’s concentrating on pleasing him rather than enjoying the moment. When a woman is in-love, she goes way overboard to try to please her Man, even in the bedroom. She tries to show she’s got skills and spends a large amount of time wondering if he’s liking what she’s doing. Not that this is a bad thing, but i think this usually happens when she’s not sure how he truly feels about her. If she did know, i think she would be a lot more relaxed.
I’m sure there are a lot more other reasons why women fake it, but i think these are the ones that are common to ‘Regular’ ‘Normal’ type relationships. By Regular Normal type relationships, i mean everyday couples who are really in-love and not fringe relationships like Hugh Hefner and his 19 yr old love child who’s in it for the money, or that random chick dating xyz to get Lawd knows what lol…
So Question 2 is; What do Women want? I want to say, a lot of the time we actually don’t know what we want till you show us. but the truth is there are specific things that we do want. And like Keisha said in this week’s episode; “Women want Romance, We want to be savored”. We want raw passion in its Purest form…. The scene between Charles and Raquel is my favorite. It just summarizes what women want. We want to ‘Make love’ not just have ‘sex’. We do like the occasional raw, dirty, filthy and absolutely nasty sex, but that’s like Dessert. No one eats desert all the time. Making Love is the main course meal. It’s what connects us with the man we love. It involves a lot of communication with unspoken words. We want him to look in our eyes and see our soul, we want to look in his eyes and see all his vulnerabilities, we want to see deep painful passion, We want to see how much he aches for us. and then We want to be able to recreate this perfect moment over and over again, it’s why we need time to recharge. We need anticipation, we need that craving to build up.. We need time for those electrical currents to rebuild, so when we make love again, its high voltage sparks everywhere.
Then above all else, we want to be able to eat shit loads of cake and not put on an ounce, but hey, like i said.. these are just my thoughts.. every woman has something unique she wants.. :). so If you have any other ideas.. do feel free to share with us please.