I was seven when I first heard his story.
I still hear the voices of his people screaming and chanting “Free Mandela”
And the voice of a female singing “Winnie Mandela”
It was the story of hope in the face of persecution
Strength and Will in the face of oppression
A woman standing as a soldier beside her husband
Laying their lives for the lives of the weak
A humble man giving up everything for an idea he believed in.
The idea of freedom and equity
He was broken in body but not in spirit
His pain would draw the light back to a generation riddled with darkness
His tears would be between him and his GOD
But his sacrifice was for all men
The sages say; in every generation, there are 36 Tzadiks (righteous hearts) on the earth
Sent to justify mankind’s continued existence before GOD
I believe Mandiba was one of them
A light in a dark society
A beacon of hope for generations to come
A seed of yesterday for a new breed of humanity
He came, he saw, he conquered!
Heaven has gained its angel back
A Star’s been lit up in the galaxies
And men will tell his story over and over again
I know you didn’t wake up just to read about pregnancy sex
Then again, maybe you did
Well maybe not pregnancy sex to be exact
But we both know the word sex got your curiosity peaked and your eyes glued to a poetic piece that isn’t so poetic after all when you come to think of it.
The how to have pregnancy sex should be the title
Like how does one get past those gas bubbles and constant bloating
Or how do you get past the constant need to pee every 2 seconds, just so you could reach for a blissful orgasm that is intense and more memorable than the fart you just let rip 2 mins into that blessed fore-play session with your darling spouse
Trimester 1 is both blessed and cursed
It can go one way or another
The morning sickness either turns you off completely or your growing uterus suddenly turns you into a nymph wanting to devour her partner every time there’s a flat surface in sight
Trimester 2 is where it starts to get interesting
Your bulging stomach reminds your kind hearted husband that there’s a little hugglemonster in there.
He must now constantly thread ever so gently and lightly else his imaginary ginormous genital rips the veil and cracks the skull of his precious child
Then again that giant bulge can make you too tired to want anyone touching you in the first place
Trimester 3 is usually my favorite.
Morning sickness is a thing of the past.
You’re pretty much used to the pains of your stretching ligaments
And your humongous uterus pushing hard on your feminine parts makes you once more, a sex addict craving only for imaginary sex.
Lets face it, you can hardly bend or lie properly, let alone present your nether regions for some gentle loving
When it’s all said and done
You know you love it.
You love being pregnant and you love pregnancy sex
Be it awesome or non existent
Cos you know it can only go 2 ways
or Completely Non-Existent
The only thing you want even more is food
** You wont get the humor in this poem if you’ve never been pregnant, aren’t currently pregnant or if you’re male** 🙂
Today, i’ve come to realize we’re sort of all the same in the way we think and process our experiences. From the little memories we think we’ve forgotten, to the faults we find in others and subconsciously respond to, or NOT respond to in our own quirky way. Somehow, we’re all counting our neighbor’s faults and paying little attention to ours.
I learnt of something called “Record Collection” this week. I had taken a job related assessment and this “Record Collection” index was part of the evaluation. The aim of the assessment was to have a low score in the “Record collection” index, along with some other risk pointing flags like; Need for approval, Control of emotions (aka emotional maturity) and Money weakness. I ended up with a relatively high score (which by the way was a huge Red Flag) in my Record Collection index.
Now you would think this is a good thing right? like the more you’re able to remember every tiny detail or experience, the better you would be at making apt decisions, right? But not according to this assessment, and not for the purpose of the assessment. Certain choices and/or positions require the ability to be “Selectively and whole heartedly forgetful”.
Not to bug you down with unnecessary jargon, i’ll cut down to the chase and explain what this index means and what scoring a high figure meant for me. Dr. Roger Birkman was the first to postulate that for each of us, our choices, reactions, likes, dislikes and everyday behavior is pretty much set in stone, except we experience a life changing ordeal like, losing a loved one, coming close to death etc.. Thus, we can pretty much expect the same response from the same person when put in a specific situation.
The “Record collection index” relates to how our minds gather and store information as we experience different events. For example, when someone tells us No over and over again, our minds will subconsciously store those rejections till we get to a point where we resent that person, or resent our experience of having to ask for something. My scoring a high figure in this index pointed to the fact that i will always remember every experience of being told “NO”, and eventually i would resent being in a position of “having to ask” or being in a position of “expectation”.
This assessment got me thinking of how over the years i’ve lost a couple of friends, and how i never really thought much of my choices and/or attitude influencing other people’s choices. For example, a couple of years ago, i had a friend i really liked. We met in new york and we hit it off like birds of a feather. We loved doing the same things and pretty much did almost everything together. But there was something she didn’t like about me. I’m a really picky person. I’m picky with food, friends, everything. I didn’t realize how much this part of me affected her till it was too late. She would choose a restaurant, and because of my picky nature, i would end up eating little to nothing. I thought the food tasted terrible. She, on the other hand, thought the food was good and i was being rude and condescending. Eventually, she cut me out of her life and never responded to any of my attempts to be in contact with her.
I remember her today because i found out she’s in switzerland doing great things, and even though I’m doing great by myself, i sometimes wonder what we could have created if we teamed up as friends.
The experience from this assessment also made me aware of my choices to forget certain friends. I realized i don’t do very well with rejection. I like to think i take things with a grain of salt, but the truth is, unlike everybody else i REMEMBER every single NO you tell me. I’m generally a very forgetful person. I forget my wedding anniversary, what i had for breakfast, even my daughter’s birthday :(. But sadly for some strange reason I’ll never forget every NO you tell me. 1 too many ‘NOs’ turns you from a close friend to a “Fiend”. Unfortunately, i don’t know how to fix this part of me, but i guess there’s still room to grow.
Hopefully time will tell if this is truly a weakness or a strength. or if there’s any salvation for this thing called ‘Human Relations’.
Or maybe like they say “What is meant to be will be”
If you know how to be selectively and whole heartedly forgetful please do share 🙂
They say calm down
You’re too intense
He says sorry
We can’t be friends anymore
I ask why?
He says; cos you have way too much baggage
She says; you freak the hell out of me
I ask why?
She says; cos you’re weird
Once upon a time
They all wanted to be my friend
But that was many moons ago
I barely remember those days now
All I remember is the anger
Constantly being angry
Always overacting to everything
I’m not sure I know how I got here
Then I met him
He smiled at me and called me beautiful
I said; you don’t want me!
He said; why?
I said; because I’m damaged
I’ll love you way too hard
I’ll obsess over you & cling to you like my life depended on it
I’ll stalk you on every social network
Beg for a kiss with every chance I get
Make you the king of my heart
You will love the way I love you
Our love will be the best you’ll ever have
Then one day
You’ll do or say something that’ll make me cry
You’ll watch me easily forgive you
Because I can’t bare the thought of losing you
Then you’ll become nonchalant and easily offended
And hurt me over & over again
Suddenly I’ll scream and fight back for the first time
Suddenly you’ll think of me a psycho
Suddenly you’ll realize how damaged I was from the start
And It was just your love that saved me
Then I’ll let you into my dark side
You’ll see the father who wasn’t there
A mother who used me as a bargaining chip
The step-father who made me his punching bag
The men who held me down as a feeble teen and raped me
You’ll see my pain and ask
Who did this to you?
And I’ll say; it was you
Because you weren’t there
Because you never stood up for me
Because you weren’t my salvation
Damaged is what I am
Damaged is what I’ve become
And my sins are yours
Yours to repay
I once told a friend; “History is repetitive and to know where one stands in the timeline of events, is to know one’s own destiny”. My dear friend could barely understand what in the world i was talking about. Unfortunately, its hard to put these words into perspective for everyone, but i will try to explain these words throughout the body of this post.
First of, let me point out that whenever i write, be it poetry, a blog or a short story, it’s usually based on an emotion I’m feeling in that very moment, however fleeting it may be. Anger, pain, melancholy, sadness or remorse. Sadly i never seem to be able to write when I’m happy. Wether this is a good thing or a bad thing, only time and soon-to-be history will tell.
Today the emotion is that of anger mixed with disappointment, grief and maybe a little bit of melancholy, all because I observed someone use the Scripture as a tool for making someone else feel terrible and worthless. Wether this was done on purpose, out of spite or out of ignorance I cannot tell. But I cant help but notice how something that is meant as a tool for good can so easily over time become a weapon for Evil and ignorance.
Unfortunately, we are a forgetful species, and like hamsters, we’re stuck in the repetitive evils of past generations. Today we fight for freedom of religion, and we cling to the premise that; our founding father’s conquered these lands that we may be free to serve God whichever way we want as free Men. Yet we criticize, chastise and demonize those who do not serve GOD the way we want them to. We seem to have forgotten 2 key facts. The fact that the founding fathers fought for their independence from England to flee 1) a Church that dictated how one must worship GOD and 2) a theocratic government that laid exorbitant taxes on the weak, needy and poor.
We forget that once upon a time under the roman empire, christianity was a capital offense and the early disciples (who by the way were devout jews NOT Apostates) laid their lives not for the founding of a new ‘Religion’, but for the establishment of GOD’s purpose and promises on the face of the earth.
When we speak, we forget history. We forget Greece and Hellenism, Rome and the likes of Nero, Caligula and the imperial cult. We forget the dark ages, the reformation, the black plague and the puritans. The Spanish inquisitions and the cold wars. We forget and make little to no attempt to remember.
Perhaps we are a doomed species. Perhaps it’s the way it is, because this is the way it should be. Maybe ignorance is destined to be our burden! Then again, maybe we are consciously ignorant that evolution may be perfected in our weaknesses and judgement is justified when executed on us. Even then, surely the stench of our ignorance is strong enough to quicken our feeble minds and selfish hearts.
All the same, this is not to say there aren’t a few good men. And maybe, just maybe it’s the few good ones that make it all worthwhile. As the sages say; GOD will allow the world to continue existing as long as there are 36 Tzadikim Nistarim (Righteous People). Yet, it’s hard to sit back and watch an hypocritical and self-absorbed generation relive the ‘sins of the fathers’.
That being said, I’m no judge, neither have I been ordained a judge and this is nothing more than ramblings. Ramblings that I hope leads you to introspection. Ramblings that I hope leads you to break out of a circle of ignorance. Simply because you owe it to yourself and to everyone around you.
The Recurring phrase this weekend was “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting change is foolish”. Scripture reading is Matt 9:17- neither do men put new wine in old wine skins, lest the wine skin bursts and the wine is destroyed. Instead they put new wine in new wine skin and both are preserved.
This passage even though I’ve read it over a hundred times has suddenly come alive to me.
Thinking outside the box. Repenting of your old thought process is the key to the change you seek. Question is; how does one revamp one’s thought process. Meditation? Self awareness? Understanding “this is how I think so therefore I must think differently” regarding this particular situation?
To know oneself is to find salvation. Introspection is the key to change. Taking responsibility and not playing the victim, and constantly playing the defensive.
I understand it’s not always easy to think outside the box, especially when certain foreign or new ideas seem illogical. This is the primary reason Change always seems like a daunting task to accomplish. We seem to be a very complacent specie. We get comfortable in pre-existing traditions and view anything new or foreign as ‘evil’. But the key to thinking outside the box is to search through the pages of history. Your thought process is not isolated to your generation. Prior generations have made the same mistakes, thought the same way and rejected change. To what end?
My point today I guess is; never think anything is impossible. Dare to believe that ‘Cows can jump over the moon’ and you’ll find yourself getting a cow over the moon… Creativity comes from your ability to see things differently not from your ability to see things the way everyone else sees things.
I once used to wish i lived in the days of Christ. I tell myself; I would have loved him, walked by his side daily, been his faithful disciple and savored every single word he spoke. But then i realized, I probably wouldn’t have. I would probably be like the many others who thought he was talking absolute balderdash and leading people astray. Then again, maybe i would have been loyal to him. but that’s something i’ll never know. One thing i do however know right now is; Everything happens for a reason and in its season. This is the Only time i could have truly lived and come to life. Hence i exist in the now. It is only now that i would have been able to believe in or not believe in Christ..
A quantum physicist once said; “The Universe is a string of interwoven consciousness, and time and space are nothing more than illusions that can be warped, stretched and altered”. I on the other hand seem to think Life is nothing more that GOD, and our Universe is no more than a dream like illusion. A world that illuminates the darkness of non-existence.
Light, darkness, life, death, love, hate, reality and delusion all exist in our cognitive understanding of Truth and reality. I always say; perception is reality and we are products of our imaginations. But what is Truth and what is Real? is it what we have all collectively come to accept as true and real? or is it what we’ve all been led to believe. Like clay in the hands of a porter, have we been subjected to cognitive manipulation by the porter named ‘Society and Culture’?
If Collectively we see ourselves as one people under one GOD, where is that unity? if we collectively see ourselves as different pieces to the puzzle of life, why has that picture failed to come together? If collectively my own and i all say our GOD is all transcendental and is the same yesterday, today and forever, then why do my own people not believe me when i say; I saw GOD last night? or that i feel what GOD feels? or that GOD speaks to me everyday?
In an aeon full of faith, faithlessness is the order of the day disguised as Religion, culture and perception. Delusion is turned on it heads and fiction is no better than facts. History repeats itself, because we are a forgetful species. We know not where we come from and delude ourselves with the belief that we know where we’re headed. Yet we fail to see what’s in front of our eyes. Blindness is traded for blindness, and vanity for vanity. because we cannot tell the difference. conscious perception is unnecessary because oblivious attention is comfortable.
Then again life isn’t about my perception and my philosophies now is it?