A million thoughts

A penny for my thoughts? What’s a million thoughts per second worth?

I sit here every night pondering and wondering why life and humanity is the way it is. Better yet, why I see life the way I do and no one else (at least no one that I know) sees it that way? Each day I feel like writing my thoughts down, but I always end up avoiding the pain in these emotions, by playing candy crush soda. It’s usually a lot easier, at least for a while.
All the same, here I am. Unable to avoid my pen any longer. Finally writing my emotions at 3.30am in the morning, thanks to the delusive tool that is Facebook.
 It’s funny how certain things come across as useful, yet they have a way of doling out society’s ugly and disgusting traits, or life’s ugliness, pain, and emptiness. For example, I log onto Facebook 2 days ago and find out someone I grew up with as a kid has passed away. I cry my eyes out and can’t bring myself to write a simple RIP on her Facebook wall. All I want to say is; I’m sorry I never stayed in touch. I’m sorry I never took a moment in time to ask you how life’s treating you, or ask you if you’re doing ok! I’m sorry is all I can think of. Yet I’m sorry isn’t really enough. 
Yesterday I logged onto Facebook again (24hrs after my mental breakdown from realizing an old friend is dead) and I see a picture of the most adorable baby trending on Facebook. With lots of comments from my friends, I decide to check out who this adorable baby belongs to. Turns out an old friend who deleted me off Facebook and cut me out of his life just had this beautiful baby. I’m thrilled for him. However, I can’t help but wonder if this baby will grow up being brainwashed and biased like its dad. See, the only reason my good old friend cut me off is because I posted the phrase “Happy Rosh Hashanah” on Facebook. We had a heated argument about the State of Israel. I was pro Israel, and he was pro Palestine. He hated Israel, and I loved both Israel and Palestine. For him, he couldn’t bring himself to be associated with someone he termed “A Jew Lover”. Even though we once lived in the same building, shared a couple of drinks after work, and shared lots of laughs and fun memories, he was done with me the second he learned I was in anyway remotely pro-Jews…. I still stare at our pictures and wonder how anyone could hate Israel that much???? I’ve never really understood the concept of prejudice.  Needless to say, mental breakdown part 2 set in. I quickly logged off and went back to bed. 
I logged on to Facebook again this morning (Addictive habit, this Facebook thing). I saw posts by someone I’d been trying to reach for weeks. I scroll through her page and see she’s doing fine. Actually she’s doing better than fine. She’s passionate about a group that I think is a ‘little cultish group’ (luckily I’ve kept my opinion about this group to myself). Turns out she really doesn’t give a flippity flop about me, and I’m just a bleep in her radar. One of many bleeps, and nothing more than a numbers filler. I see how everyone purrs at her and give her loads of attention. I see how everyone I’m connected to through her is no different from her. I look away because obviously envy is a sin. I’ll do myself some good by not becoming envious. 
However, she’s got me thinking. What purpose do we serve or achieve by staying connected to unnecessary people? Why do we spend time kissing the asses of mean conceited people and the ones with true love in their hearts waste away right before our eyes? The time I spent texting her, would have been time I spent saying hello to my now dead friend. I can’t help but compare my humble and meek dead friend to this conceited and overly inflated ego’ed acquaintance (see how my perception of her has shifted from friend to acquaintance). 
I’m exhausted from having to ponder society’s many disgusting traits. It’s easy for many to avoid it. It’s hard for me  to disconnect myself from it all. Whenever I write, it’s always in pain. I’ve been told I write way too many dark poems. Maybe it’s because we live in a dark world and we only choose to see and believe what we want to…
I’m exhausted. I should get some sleep. 

Dear Minimum Wage Advocates

Dear Minimum wage advocates,

I’ve kept my tongue still in the Minimum wage increase debate, mostly because I don’t want to come across as insensitive. However, I must say, for once I’m not with the Democrats on this one. It sounds ethical to increase minimum wage and afford minimum wage workers a better standard of living. Problem is; in a capitalist market, ethics and economics don’t exactly go together. We could sit here and argue that CEOs, CMOs, and CFOs can easily take a pay cut from their fat bonus checks, then redirect the extra cash to higher payroll cost, but who are we kidding? This is democracy not socialism. Big execs are entitled to their own free will and large paychecks! Now the real issue is what happens to the little guys like me who employ minimum wage workers? There’s no huge bonus check to take a pay cut from!

I’ve been ethical in the past. I did pay a little above minimum wage to my minimum wage employees, and what I couldn’t make up for in cash, I made up for in the added value benefits I gave my employees. If payroll cost goes up for folks like me, I have no choice but to break-even by increasing pricing, cutting expense somewhere else, working 15million extra hours to raise sales levels and spread the cost somehow, or just cut jobs to make sure I don’t go under. Again, we could sit and say, better pay means more disposable income and better standards in society, so everyone will start spending money and there’ll be plenty to go around. As beautiful as that hypothetical scenario sounds, the free market doesn’t really regulate itself. Entrepreneurs make decisions on profit projections, and accounting says higher payroll cost equals reduced profit projections if you don’t tweak something else!

In the end, a society with higher wages does look like a thriving economy, but we all live as we earn. We earn higher wages so we can afford the rising cost of living. Ask England and Denmark, they’ll tell you higher payroll is not without its cost. I would know, cos I did give up an English life with higher wages and a stronger currency for the big roads, big cars and big houses America offers. The bigger question is; have we done anything tangible by raising minimum wage to a specific dollar amount, when the kickback effect means we end up distributing the cost of that hike to society at large? Or are we just playing politics and shifting numbers around to make things look like “We truly care about the little guys”. Yes a society with better wages does seem like a thriving economy, but a consequential rising cost of living is called INFLATION. Maybe they’ll call ours Hyperinflation. We could always ask Germany what hyperinflation feels like. Then again, maybe that’s what we want. I mean inflation allows for the Feds to intervene in the market, right?

Now just incase you’re wondering how does this really affect me? I don’t have any minimum wage employees. Well think about it this way; the average cost of living for an American per year according to the bureau of labor statistics, is $20,194. You’re 35yrs old, you have 30yrs to go till you retire, and you think maybe if I saved up $1million I could retire comfortably, right? Well inflation is currently edging on 4%. Fast forward 30years, and 4% inflation rate means average living cost is now $65,429. Which means the $1million dollars you thought would be enough would only last for an average of 10yrs if you lived on bare basics. Which again means you’re 75, broke as fuck, your hip hurts and you need to get a job!

Hey, these are just my opinions, I’m a numbers person and I like evaluating my options carefully. I could be wrong, I could be right. But the laws of economics and accounting unfortunately weren’t built to be flexible. We can play the numbers game all we want, but I don’t have the money to pay extra payroll cost. I may have it someday, but I don’t want to be forced to do it when I can’t afford it.

Communication

I’ve heard people say; “Communication is key”
But I’ve had a hard time communicating.
Sometimes, it’s like white noise when I speak
People can barely understand.
The perplexed glare on their faces
Like “what is she going on about?”

Language! Language is key to communication
The ability to enthrall an audience with language so sophisticated it’s like getting intoxicated with fine wine.
Language! Language can be weapon
Able to control the mind of another

Then again, there’s Words! – The codes to cracking the power of language. The very fabric of society’s ability to communicate. But words aren’t always what they seem.
Always delusive!
If I could be a word-smith
Maybe I could master the power of language and be the master communicator.
But then, along comes phonetics and its ability to twist the hearer’s perception of words

“Communication is key” they say!
But I’m left wondering; whatever happened to connection?
Telepathic connection!
What if we could communicate without the delusion of words
What if I could connect with you without communication?
Now that would be the day I become a master communicator!

A Smile in Time.

I haven’t written any poems in a while, cos I’ve been too busy being a working mum. 😦

I wrote this one for the little old lady down the road. For NancyLee

************************

A smile in time
That’s what she gave
The little lady that’s more of an angel than a little lady
She’s everyone’s favorite
Even mine
For like magic she captured me with her smile and almost quirky sense of humor

First impression wasn’t much to go by
But second impressions! Well that’s her specialty
She’ll wow your heart when you do meet her twice
Twice I say, cos no one really gets away with the best first impressions

Even then, a smile in time is what she gave me
It had been a lonesome week
Burdened with nothing but disappointments & uncertain anxieties
With a smile, she took most of it away

We never know what we could give
With a smile in time
Perhaps, just enough to save a life!

~ GE

I hope you find that big break

It’s easy for the world to break you
It’s easy to get swept away
It’s easy to become invisible
Sometimes, it’s easy to stop believing

Where did you go wrong when you had it all right
The right opportunities
The right timing
The right energy

But soon enough you realize
The right everything isn’t enough
Something is still missing
Is it the attitude?
Is it some ethereal force
Is it the right person/people
What’s missing?

Every choice leads you a step closer to tomorrow
Perhaps tomorrow is your destiny
Then again tomorrow isn’t guaranteed
Still you push forward
Wishing you could fast forward

Everyday is another roller coaster
Waiting for that big break
Hoping to stop being invisible
Hoping those who don’t think much of you finally see what you see
Hoping you haven’t spent a lifetime deceiving yourself

Yet, to deceive oneself for a lifetime isn’t all too bad
To live in fantasy land hoping for that big break isn’t all too bad either
Cos you might just make it to that silly fun land if you run fast enough
And if there’s enough time to complete this race.

I pray you make it
I pray those who looked down on you get to say they were wrong
I hope you make it
I hope your tears dry up
And I hope you find happiness in this miserable world
I hope you shine brighter than any star
And your history be that of a happy ending
I hope your tale be the story of God
I hope you make it in time
I hope you find happily ever after
I hope your wishes come through
I hope you find that big break

Time

There’s never enough time
Time to be grateful
Time to say thank you
Or time to be appreciative

Perhaps it’s time to say sorry
Sorry I never took time to appreciate what I got
Time to say; sorry I forgot to meditate in the moment
Sorry I should have been thankful

There’s never enough time because time flies by
Or is it us who fly by?
Chasing after time, when time is right behind us

Looking back in time is always melancholic
There’s no room for us there anymore
And the future seems somewhat of a mysterious creature
Never showing it’s face in time to keep our fears at bay

But I’m grateful I’ve got this moment in time
To appreciate and say thank you.

A Poem for my Son

It started with a thought
A simple but fervent prayer
A longing for you
Faith in the one thing I knew for sure
Hope in the ONE I’ve known all my life
I knew one day you did be mine
It was only a matter of time

On the 3rd floor, Room 7 wasn’t a coincidence
You’re my dream come true
My answered prayer
My completion
My very own blessing
A son to love for eternity.
Always and forever
It’s team 5
& our love surpasses the mistakes in this world
Now all I can say is, Thank you Lord!

Happy New Year

20140101-022641.jpg

A Tribute to Nelson Mandela AKA Mandiba

I was seven when I first heard his story.
I still hear the voices of his people screaming and chanting “Free Mandela”
And the voice of a female singing “Winnie Mandela”
It was the story of hope in the face of persecution
Strength and Will in the face of oppression
A woman standing as a soldier beside her husband
Laying their lives for the lives of the weak

A humble man giving up everything for an idea he believed in.
The idea of freedom and equity
He was broken in body but not in spirit
His pain would draw the light back to a generation riddled with darkness
His tears would be between him and his GOD
But his sacrifice was for all men

The sages say; in every generation, there are 36 Tzadiks (righteous hearts) on the earth
Sent to justify mankind’s continued existence before GOD
I believe Mandiba was one of them
A light in a dark society
A beacon of hope for generations to come
A seed of yesterday for a new breed of humanity
He came, he saw, he conquered!
Heaven has gained its angel back
A Star’s been lit up in the galaxies
And men will tell his story over and over again

RIP Mandiba!

~ GE

20131206-085638.jpg

RIP Nelson Mandela

20131205-163432.jpg


%d bloggers like this: